Men Should ‘Step Up’?

I read SO many posts and blogs about how MEN SHOULD ‘STEP UP’. It’s all about how THEY should or shouldn’t be or act…

Frankly, I’m fed up with seeing a woman choosing to maintain an image of ‘saintly victimhood’ rather than stepping into her OWN POWER and demonstrating by her own self-honour exactly how she should be treated. A woman in her true power naturally commands a high standard of regard from others.

Realistically, we all have aspects that exist in shadow at times. It’s all fine and well to call for a man to ‘step up’ as long as you’re the kind of woman that genuinely INVITES that. By that I mean you are the type of woman who is willing and able to become AWARE of her own ‘stuff’, particularly her own fears and has the capacity to realize the difference between projecting emotion and expressing her true feelings.


When a woman can hold and express herself in a way that invites a man to step up… (ie. she has some mastery in the art of honouring her own feelings and needs and respectfully communicates them) in my experience, many men actually will naturally, and become more conscious in the process. Obviously, the ones who don’t, or can’t are NOT the keepers… SIMPLE! (or is it?).

We tend to attract behaviour that reflects where WE are at on some level… when we shift that in ourselves either the behaviour of the other person changes or they leave our reality. Many of these posts imply that being in a ‘good relationship’ relies solely on assessing the man’s habits and character… ‘ the eternal checklist’. And, while I’m not at all suggesting that we should ignore glaringly dysfunctional behaviour, it would be really good to acknowledge that WE are actually responsible for what we attract… AND what we are attracted to.

Seriously ladies… Do you feel you are always immediately conscious of everything that arises in you in response to relating to another? I certainly can’t claim that… Sometimes it’s quite a long and difficult process to come to a place of clarity and ease around a particular issue. ie. a part of me that has been unconscious but is brought to awareness by the relating dynamic.

It would be a bit unfair of me to expect that a man had either no shadow aspects or was able to be conscious of them the instant something arose… A willingness to be conscious is a total turn on for sure, but waiting for Buddha?. could be waiting a long time!! No, I’m not interested in waiting around for an enlightened master… (though I have been known to go for the odd Jesus look alike ;)).

I know many women who’ve fallen into the trap (including myself) seeing man’s ‘potential’ rather than seeing what actually is. What we attract usually presents as what we deeply desire and as the relationship progresses shows up what we judge or resist feeling (mainly fear and pain on some level).

At this point we start seeing traits in our partner we may have been blind to initially…it takes a little longer to see what we have tolerated, enabled or even set up unconsciously to meet our own needs. this is WHERE THE GOLD IS!…

So, rather than constantly pointing the finger and telling stories about what’s happening out there.. why not try asking yourself why this person/scenario has manifested in your reality…. otherwise we just compile a big list of what to avoid externally, rather than finding a way to actually break that cycle by taking personal responsibility…

It really does take two to tango! Radiant Rebecca

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