Dear Men

Dear Men,

There may be some empathy and healing for humanity to access when we realise that women not only feel their individual pain but also are affected by the collective feminine energy field…

Depending on a woman’s sensitivity and the place in her cycle, her receptivity and how she is affected by this changes.

The marginalization and oppression of the feminine has become internalized in most women… in other words, our own mental patterning has become a ‘patriarchal dictatorship’. The feeling feedback natural to the feminine, is generally suppressed and is experienced by many women as   emotional pain through our own judgment of it as irrelevant. In fact, it has become part of our ‘pain-body’1, along with the accumulated pain suffered by women over millennia through controlled childbirth, rape, slavery, torture, and violent death… their own or their children or beloved men etc.

This sheds a bit more light on why women can be perceived as ‘mad’ and why they may actually be justified in feeling ‘fucking furious’. It is tragic that this is not understood better by women themselves and that unfortunately a lot of the anguish is projected onto innocent men unconsciously and unfairly.

There are many of us who are ashamed and fearful of our own feminine attributes (men included).

Many of us perceive these qualities as weakness… leaving us feeling vulnerable and utterly powerless. In fact, for many of us, denying our feminine qualities has literally become a matter of survival. This is the opposite of the truth.

We need only look at the feminist movement to see that many women felt they had no choice but to adopt masculine qualities in order to ‘fight’ to be considered worthy of the same freedom of choice and influence as men. The impact of this abandonment of the feminine gifts of sensing, non-linear intuition, connection and invitational leadership on humanity as a whole is devastating.

I don’t need to point out that we as a species and our planet are in crisis.

I hear many men justifiably expressing anger and dismay over what appears to be an attacking and shaming assault by some women on men collectively.  There has certainly been much damage caused on psychological and emotional levels by confusing messages about what it is to be a man and how to relate to women. Some men battle relentlessly to work out what the hell makes a woman happy… Others have just given up or worse are harboring resentment and bitterness towards women in general.

What if you allow your perspective to shift a little? What if you were to consider that this projection of pain onto you is actually not personal to you and on some level very valid and actually worthy of your compassion? What if at those times you feel compelled to withdraw or to fight back… are the very times you could stay present and still for the women to unfold her deeper expression?

Dear Men… I am on my knees with sincere regret and much empathy for your pain. Please know that this is a direct result of our disconnect from the feminine and the very reason why we NEED YOU more than ever!! We need your understanding, support and presence. We need you to trust that even though our seemingly chaotic and irrational expression may not make logical sense that there is a very valid reason for its presence. That there is a deep well of wisdom waiting to be tapped if only you can hold still and solid enough for us to trust that we can surrender.

There are many women who are awakening to the collectively healing value of restoring their connection to the feeling realm at this time but there are still many who struggle to be with the pain that must be transformed as we traverse this terrain. Even if a woman is aware and actively honoring her feeling reality, it takes enormous amounts of courage and presence to face this at times, terrifying and excruciating experience.

We need you to stand by our side… we need your strength and resilience … your courage and steadfastness. To do this you will have to make peace with your own feminine aspect. This is a path that requires courage, self-reflection, dedication and focus but the results will be well worth it.

Let’s work together work together to bring this world into harmony and balance because frankly we cannot afford to waste another moment in conflict..

If this speaks to you or stirs something up  click ‘like’ and leave a comment below…oh… and please feel very free to share x

  1. Pain Body: a term coined by spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle to describe the phenomena of unfelt and unexpressed pain or avoidance of full experience that is held in the human energy system.

14 Comments Add yours

  1. Hi Rebecca. Thankyou for this article and also the Great Divide article. Yes men are affected by what I call Shadow Patriarchy (I don’t just call it Patriarchy as some men are offended by the hijacking of the word by the early feminist in the late 18th Century) and in actual fact the whole Shadow Patriarchy is now backfiring on men as women start to stand up and show their energy and power if you want to call it that. Throughout the thousands of years patriarchal reign, toughness and unemotional was superior and it is in men’s DNA as well as still socially taught to boys at 3 years old. When did it ever become a masculine trait and that compassion and caring a feminine trait. My view is to drop the labels of masculine and feminine traits. It is no longer helpful. Just as a simple example men and women can equally use the same archetypes like King/Queen, Lover, Warrior and Magician. I am writing a book possibly with the title, “The Myth Of Masculine And Feminine – A Dilemma Of Our Time

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Robert. I would have to agree that certain terminology can evoke inflamed responses. I have intentionally used certain terms after explaining that I am not referring specifically to gender traits. I’ve stated relentlessly that when I refer to ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ I am speaking of energies inherent in each individual, man and woman and in every aspect of the manifest world. In my experience, people who are stuck on defending their gender based victimhood are not really open to dropping that and embracing a more objective point of view regardless of the terminology used. I personally am not feeling to bend any further backward or to jump through any more PC hoops in getting my message across particularly when stats show this article has over 3500 readers My message is for those who have ears to hear it. I also wholeheartedly look forward to reading what sounds like a very interesting book.


  2. Marga says:

    Thank you for this article and all comments.
    I believe after much examination and insight that the feminine has suffered greatly under negative patriarchal influences -the feminine in all of us-man and woman- as well as the planet.
    I am interested in seeing and supporting men to connect with and learn to love their own inner feminine.
    This has been disallowed by the culture for the most part.
    And is, I believe, the main reason why any man or men have the difficulty they do in loving and supporting the expression of the external feminine. Why they judge, condemn , walk away from etc.
    As men work to reclaim this aspect of themselves, as well as continue the empowerment and expression of their own healthy masculine aspect, they will change more wholistic ally and the culture will change.
    I see vast amounts of I unowned shadow when it comes to collective and individual man and women “hating” that exists in the shadow. Still.
    I believe it is our individual responsibility as men AND women to go there, in ourselves with ruthless honesty and compassion and bring it out and transform it.
    Until we do so – all of us – I see a continuation of men wanting from women and women wanting from men and not a lot of meeting in empowered and free communion and sustainable freedom and love.
    We are all in this together. Bring it on xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As you know I share this perspective… Thanks for your comment Marga


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  4. Men have also deep seated, historically-built, collective traumas, be it that they are perhaps less focused on healing ways that women pursue.
    But as long women or men make themselves dependent on the other sex to heal their own trauma, true healing is circumvented.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your perspective Peter… I wholeheartedly agree that men are also deeply affected by collective trauma… hence my offering of the recognition of that in this piece… I apologise if that was unclear. I am not suggesting a co-dependance is desirable. I write this so we might step back a little and view what is playing out from a less personal perspective and create a space of more compassion for each other. Self-responsibility is of course foundational to healing but no one is an island. i feel that healthy interdependence in the form of mutual understanding and support is where the ‘true healing’ lies.


  5. dougie2911 says:

    The one thing about this article is that men have (me included) dismissed women’s emotional fury or worse still taken it personally and defended the energy. I believe this article is calling for men to stand in their awareness and enquire what’s going on for women at a deeper level if it shows up in the space.

    This process for me has been difficult because of past conditioning and just walking away because I haven’t had the understanding or awareness of what’s actually going on. But I can say that I am strengthening this muscle. Like any form of body building it requires training to get results.

    There are lots of articles about women. And I stand as an ambassador for women and men having healthy relationships.

    I know the writer of this article personally so I may be bias but I believe she truely loves men and she truely loves being able to dive deep in to a part of herself that even scares herself. For her and other women to go to these places requires a safe container that she can know without a shadow of a doubt that she is loved whatever happens.

    And in my experience I require this too but I find this process I require the presence of a man. Because I know I can depend on him, I can unpack fury rage suppressed angry in the face of him and know that he will be alright. Doing this with a woman may be to much for her and scare the shit out of her.

    Doing this kind of work will support a clarity of mind body and heart that I can bring into a relationship.

    I think it’s not a gender issue. No I know it isn’t one and it is something that I say yes to every day.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. JEWEL says:





  6. besebr47 says:

    As a society as a whole it will be a very long and slow journey back home to our true sexual essence when the majority of the masculine population has not even started to explore their feminine sides. The good news is there are certainly a lot of masculines already deep in their feminine sides. Commonly referred to as sensitive new age guys, ie snags. And the process involved for snags to step back into their masculine essence is relatively simple for those masculine snags once they realise what direction to take.

    I speak from experience in this as going back ten years ago I had been a snag for many, many, years, it wasn’t till one day I was fire crewing on a native American sweat lodge down on the Gold Coast (heating rocks) with a couple of guys I’d only just met that day and they explained stuff that took only 30 minutes to get across and my life changed forever from that moment forward. I resisted what they said at first but their answers to my arguement struck home. It was time to step back into my masculine.

    The good news is there are a lot of snag men that are in that same place, just a decision away from steping up, they’ve been snags for years and in the process their partners have become very masculineized due to having to hold the reins in the relationship because he won’t. The masculine however has a big challenge that only his feminine partner can help with and if she can’t or wont then he can never step up.

    The feminine has ventured deep into her masculine side in the same way the snag masculine has gone into his feminine side. However for him to step back into his masculine his now masculine feminine partner has to be willing to surrender and let him.

    Why? well, what to men do when they’re together? they compete with each other, who can drink the most, catch the most fish, chat up the most women, spit the furtherest etc etc and more importantly in this scenario we speak of, win the arguement. And I have experienced this next scenario and watched it as other couples try and re-establish into their own sexual essence. If the feminine partner will not surrender the reins to her masculine partners decision then they will “butt heads” like to big male buck deers trying to win and be boss.

    What happens next is the masculine male who has spent years in his feminine side will simply buckle and let her masculine side win. Trouble is in doing this she loses because she just successfully crushed her male partner and she is now still the man and he is back in his feminine again just agreeing to what she says and going with the flow. “Okay honey”, “that sounds good darl”, “Whatever you think is best dear”. And then she’ll wonder why he never makes any decisions about ANYTHING anymore and leaves them all to her. He loves her and can’t respond to her in the same way he would if argueing with a male masculine.

    As a man, if I’m argueing with another man, I can be abusive, I can be brutely honest and call him on his stuff and tell him he’s full of shit. And it does no harm to the relationship I have with that man, we can call each other the worst names under the sun and 2 minutes later be laughing together. Try that with your masculine feminine partner and see what happens, actually NO, don’t try that, take my word for it, not a good idea.

    The only option is to butt heads or for the male to back down. I’ve experienced this where my feminine partner at the time would revert to twisting and exagerating to try and win, at this point if I was argueing with another guy I’d call him on it, but when argueing with the women you love you just know by the whole tone of the arguement that that wont work and it’ll just esculate. In times like that I would rather, be love, than be right, so I’d simply back down.

    We hear in our society all the time from women “where are the strong men?”. Well if you don’t have one in your life it may mean that you are the strong man in your life. We always attract the opposite of what we are. If your a strong independent woman then chances are you’ll always attract sensitive wishy washy males, perhaps they’re not at first becuase at first your most likely more girly and flirty etc. But in time you go back into being the boss and he becomes the woman in your life.

    The whole thing is an evolutionary process. Men start as macho jerk type men and then if they’re on a path of emotionally evolving they explore their feminine sides and become snags, then they come out the other side of that and return back into their masculine sides. Bringing with them the experience, knowledge and understanding of what it’s like to be feminine. Mind you we still only experience a fraction of what the feminine experiences as a feminine, but it’s enough for us mere males to have empathy for where they are at when emotional, it’s enough for us to be able to “feel into them” and understand them much deeper. Much deeper than we did as macho jerks, so we have evolved.

    It’s now with this new emotional evolvment that we are able to stand by our feminine goddess as she wails on us with the storms and hurricanes of her emotions without wanting her to suppress those emotions, to shut up, wanting to hit her, or wanting to run away. Instead we can stand with our hearts wide open and feel into her and be the rock of pure masculine consciousness. We reach a point where no matter what emotion comes up, no matter what names she calls us, no matter what she says, we can stand our ground with our hearts open to her loving her just as much in those moments as we do when she is sighing against our chest after an orgasm and telling us how much she loves us.

    But this never happens unless the feminine can surrender, if she wants to continue to be the boss and win all the arguements and be the one that makes all the decisions then she will never have a man like this in her life for a very simply reason. Men like this are in their feminine partner life to serve their goddess, to serve her heart wide open so she can become love itself, not just feel loved but to become love. A masculine woman can run her own life, so a good masculine man knows he is NOT needed, so he will seek out a feminine goddess who desires to surrender to become love and desires a masculine man that will serve her in doing just that.

    I can stand my ground with my heart open in love no matter what emotional storm rages from my feminine partner. I have done this time and time again for years. And it’s not a case of just standing not saying anything and sort of ignoring her waiting for the storm to pass. NO!!! as she can feel that you’re not there and that will piss her off and make her emotional storm all the worse. It has to be done with ones heart wide open, fully present with everything she is saying, with everything your feeling from her, every bit of venom because when as a man you do that even in the midst of her emotional chaos she can feel your presence, feel your heart wide open, feel your love and it’s that that that transforms her as that is something she most likely has never experienced from a masculine ever before.

    As snags the feminine side of ourselves is a captivating and rewarding space to be in as masculines taking this exploratary journey and as such is very easy to become stuck in that space, to become stuck being the snag. And as such it can be a hard place to drag a man out of. To give you an idea, for a man to be deep in his feminine side is very similar in may ways as being stoned, you just go with the flow, nothing to do, no direction, no purpose, musics great, foods great, all the senses are great. Trust me, being deep in your masculine side as a masculine is nothing like any of these. You feel driven and anything that is not part of your mission or purpose in life feels like a waste of your life. Luckily serving his partner and blooming her heart wide open to become love itself is part of his purpose in life.

    So snag land is awesome when everything is going good in life. However the down side is we are very emotional and the masculine brain is not wired in the same was as the feminine brain and as such emotions are very tough to deal with. Part of this is why masculine suicide rates are so high. Many other factors as well but in the end it’s the inability to continue with the overwelming emotions being experienced that death seems a better escape than continueing to feel all that emotion.

    As an evolved masculine that has explored the feminine side deeply and returned back deep into the masculine side, just know that emotions become very easy to process, express, feel and be comfortable with.

    So guys if your a snag then step back into the masculine in a big way and serve your feminine goddesses. A great starting point if you need one is “The Way Of The Superior Man” By David Deida. That one book alone changed my life completely.

    I am also always happy to offer my time and experience to guys that wants to dive into this path. As a kinesiologist I have developed unique powerful processes over the past 20 years that can often place a man deep in his masculine side within minutes so he can experience what it feels like and therefore has a frame of reference to getting back there again at will anytime in the future.
    There is no charge for this type of work, I do it as a service to fellow masculines. I can also offer the same sort of results working with couples and have them achieve results in 30 minutes that most would never achieve in 6 months on thier own. Again no charge, I just love doing it. Love seeing the transformations.

    Ladies, if you’ve been deep in your masculine side and want a good man in your life so you can relax deeper into your feminine again then be willing to surrender. Sure if he is out of practice thru not making decisions for a long time then he’ll make some mistakes, let him. The reward in the long run is worth it I promise. Deep love from a good man is way better than being right about which way to drive to your friends house.

    Over the past ten years I have spoken in depth with hundreds of women on these issues and the single biggest resistance I ever come across when talking about this to the feminine is that she doesn’t want to give up her power, her control. Well understand that you’re not, in the type of relationship that this creates the feminine always has the final decision in any choice to be made, she just does it emotionally rather than with verbal decisions, but that’s a whole other topic.

    Sorry this reply was so long, but I just love this stuff as I’ve seen the massive change in my life and others with very simply processes and changes in view point and love to share it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. shaay says:

    Yes, this is definately what is required and as always Rebecca has hit it on the head. As Gerald says we as individual men can’t help every women and many of us struggle to help even our own woman when her emotions surface. The best we can do is work to help be the masculine rock for our partners and support and encourage men to understand it’s time they stepped back into they’re masculine to help their partners. In doing this we support and help other men step forward, then one man doesn’t have to do it all.

    I feel as a society as a whole it will be a very long and slow journey back home to our true sexual essence when the majority of the masculine population has not even started to explore their feminine sides.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Alex Fawcett says:

      Too true very well explained

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Gerard says:

    I find it difficult to see that women following this stream of life are having so much problems (most of all financial) to survive in the culture we live in, which doesn’t understand and reward this feminine powers. I quess in previous times it was the community as a whole that took care and protected these feminine powers. It is hard for me as a (read: ‘one’) man to support even only óne woman with all she needs. And of course she needs it all, ofcourse she has a natural right to all men powers, but there is no way I on my own can provide them. I am not Superman: I am a specialist, and therefore lack a lot of powers that a woman is also in need of …. I try, though …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings Gerard. Yes, we are all a bit confused and challenged but I believe if we begin to honor and uphold the value and power of the feminine qualities in our own minds we in our own little way help to change and heal the world ❤


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